


The Gospel of Donald

by orphan_account



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Current Events, Drabble, Gen, Politics, US presidential election, also cameos of the corinthe staff, and maaaaybe a little E/R if you want to see it there, and references to his politics, but there's some implied Joly/Bossuet/Musichetta, donald trump - Freeform, this is a gen fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern US AU:</p><p>It's presidential primary season and Grantaire is a troll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gospel of Donald

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to get back into writing fanfic and so I went looking for old one shot drafts for an easy start. Preferably something fun and silly. I only really found one that I felt like I could finish... and today seemed like a good day to publish it.
> 
> So here, have a modern AU set in the US. With a presidential primaries theme! Actually I wrote most of this back in September (SEPTEMBER) but back then I felt like maybe it’s a bit too much and maybe I shouldn’t get into actual real life politics, especially in a country that’s not even mine. So I gave up on it, especially since I figured that even if I did finish it one day, it wouldn’t be relevant anymore anyway.
> 
> Turns out it’s still relevant. In fact it’s more relevant now than when I wrote it.
> 
> Warning: Politics, politics, US politics. It’s not the point of the story but I have strong opinions about this stuff and that comes up. So please DON’T READ THIS IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT GET OFFENDED. I don’t want to offend anyone and I don’t want to force my views on you.
> 
> Oh also a warning for mentions of Donald Trump and what that implies.
> 
> All that said (after all the overdramatic buildup lol) it’s basically just a short and silly fanfic about Grantaire trolling his friends. (With some extra Joly and Bossuet being adorable together because I couldn’t help myself. Also maybe a hint of ExR if you want to see it.)

It's late Friday afternoon after a long day of studying for Joly and a long day of skipping class for Bossuet. The latter is waiting for the former in front of the med school.

"The Eagle has arrived to pick Frodo up from Mordor", he says catching Joly in his arms and carrying him down the stairs.

Joly giggles. "No, you're definitely my Sam."

"Who's Musichetta then? Gollum?"

"No way, that'd mean she'd die!"

"That's your only objection to her as Gollum?"

"Well she _is_ easily corrupted by shiny things."

“True. Like shiny leather pants.”

They make their way towards the Corinthe. The meeting won't start until later in the evening but there's nothing they enjoy more than showing up early to "pre-game".

The bar is practically empty as usual. Mrs. Hucheloup is absentmindedly cleaning the counter (a doomed effort).

"No, I mean it's a lobster but--"

Joly reaches the second floor ahead of Bossuet and cuts himself off, freezing in place.

"Joly?" Bossuet peeks in.

Grantaire is standing in the middle of the room with a bunch of leaflets in his hand, grinning extremely creepily and wearing a... very familiar campaign T-shirt.

"Hi", he says, handing Joly a leaflet. "Have you accepted Donald as your God and Saviour?"

Joly spins around and grasps Bossuet's shoulders, gasping in horror. "Bossuet, they got Grantaire!"

Grantaire's grin widens. He stands up and starts slowly, menacingly, walking towards them. "Trump, trump, trump, trump", he drones in a zombie-voice.

"Quick, throw Bernie leaflets at him!"

"We don't have any!"

Bossuet looks around. "There! At the counter! Hold him off while I get them!"

"... Build.... a... wall... build... a... wall..."

Bossuer rushes downstairs. "Sorry, I need these, it's an emergency", he says to Gibelotte as he's grabbing a handful of leaflets.

"... blooood coming out of her... whereeeever..."

Joly is fending Grantaire off with his cane. "Help! I can't hold him much longer, Bossuet!"

"Hang on, Joly!" Bossuet quickly folds an airplane out of a leaflet and throws it at Grantaire who hisses like an old movie vampire.

"My hero!" Joly cries, managing to finally corner Grantaire while Bossuet keeps throwing leaflet airplanes and Grantaire keeps making increasingly porny noises of pain.

"What's going on?" says a voice behind them.

They turn around.

"Has Grantaire been possessed?" asks Jehan.

"Yes", Joly and Bossuet reply in tandem.

Jehan's face brightens. "I think I know a spell for that."

"Boys, could you tone it down?!" Mrs. Hucheloup yells from the counter. "You're driving customers away!"

"What customers?" says Bossuet.

Grantaire opens his mouth. Joly jams a leaflet into it.

"Sorry, Ma'am!" says Joly.

"R, why are you wearing that?" Jehan asks, shocked enough not to see the inherent irony in him saying those specific words to anyone.

Grantaire spits the leaflet out. "I was out of clean shirts and, as you know, doing laundry is an extreme hardship for me so I started to plan out an alternative strategy. I tried asking my neighbours but they seemed reluctant to trust me with their clothes for some reason."

"Probably because you always end up ruining them somehow", says Bossuet, jumping on board the irony train. "Every time."

Grantaire ignores him. "So, due to the mistrusting nature of the people nearest and dearest to me, I was forced to find another source of drapery. So I wonder 'who would be happy to give me a clean shirt for free?' And I have a moment of enlightenment, like an apple dropped on my head making me realize something that was always right there in front of me."

"The Trump campaign headquarters aren't even close to your place, though."

"Ah, but Trump is everywhere, affecting all of our lives like gravity", Grantaire points out in a blatantly desperate attempt to save the metaphor. "So there I venture into the belly of the beast on my daring quest for garments and I volunteer. It turns out that they are just normal people there! And very nice people too. I also found out a shocking truth on my way here: people treat Trump supporters truly terribly. Do you have any idea how many mean looks I got as I was walking down this street? I was called such terrible names, too. I'm thinking of doing a video to show people how much harassment people still face in this country for--"

"If you do that, we're disowning you", Joly interrupts him before he can dig himself any deeper.

"Yeah, even if we have to put an ad on the door of the Corinthe to find a new token asshole."

***

Courfeyrac shows up twenty minutes later and has apparently managed to drag Marius with him. Marius stares at Grantaire's shirt.

Grantaire grins. "Would you like a Trump pamphlet, my friend?"

Courfeyrac intercepts the leaflet. "Don't corrupt his young and impressionable mind."

Marius makes an offended noise. "I'm not a _Republican_."

"Of course not", says Grantaire. "Still a big fan of Bill Clinton?"

Marius blushes and mutters something about his dad.

"It's alright, I support your opinions even if none of these commies do." Grantaire ruffles his hair. "Come on, I'll buy you a sandwich. You look hungry and I need quarters for the laundromat."

***

Enjolras's eyes zone in on the shirt the second he steps in. "Grantaire, that's disgusting. Take that shirt off right now or get out."

Grantaire blinks. "Yes, sir!" He takes the shirt off.

Matelote, on her way upstairs with their drink orders, wordlessly turns around and goes back downstairs.

"Wow, Enjolras," says Courfeyrac, "that was the easiest opening you've ever given him."

Enjolras shrugs. "Why not? This is much better."

**Author's Note:**

> You know, I've been using "republican" so much in the 19th century French context that it feels so weird to use it in the modern US context.


End file.
